She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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