And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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