i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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