Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
My liver just had a heart attack.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
