my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize