I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
