He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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