Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Randomize
