cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i think my mom watched the whole time
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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