I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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