Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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