i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
