When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
