I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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