i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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