Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
