So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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