Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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