I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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