....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
