Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
