I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
