why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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