I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
