the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
