"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
