I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
