Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
