I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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