I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
