I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Randomize
