she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
