Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
