I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
