There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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