I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
