dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
