like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
