that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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