I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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