i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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