So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
