She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
