Im at strip club and am horny
You're so nebulous sometimes
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
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