we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
