it was like eating out sand paper
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
