i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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