Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
