just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
