I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
