When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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