forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
