Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
