Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
