Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i wish my penis had a tongue
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
