Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
