my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
So. Much. Porn.
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