I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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